………..are never-ending.

Especially if you have one like mine, that tends to completely wipe itself out.

They were showing the movie, ’Message In A Bottle’, the other day on TV. I know I had watched it years and years ago but I had absolutely no recollection of the scenes as I watched it again. I had a very hazy memory of the storyline but wasnt sure how it all played out. At the same time, I also kept having this feeling that I should not be watching this movie…….that there was a reason why I shouldnt be except the reason had been erased by my mind!

So I stayed up watching it when I knew there were 1300 other things (of course related to the wedding) that I could be doing instead. I am way too curious for my own good and I just needed to know how it would end. When the end of the movie did roll in, I knew why I shouldnt be watching it. The end just about broke my heart.

I hate sad endings in movies! If only my memory had served me well, I would have recalled that this movie had a sad ending and not continued watching till the end and felt sad and heart-broken. **sigh**

……my sense of humour!

I think I am losing it with every passing day that brings us closer to the wedding. There are hazaar things to be done and we have only a couple of months left. Its not the long list of tasks that worry me. Every time I am asked yet another question I lose it a little. Every time I am asked for my opinion or suggestion I sigh deeper now. The discussions are getting longer, the demands are getting stronger. I also realise that everyone has a different idea and plan. Each time this difference is highlighted I lose it a little more!

I miss excel sheets and crazy deadlines. I think I might even miss my bitchy boss a little now. But most of all, I miss my sense of humour. **Sigh**

A’s last post is partly responsible for this post. She talked about the ‘art of giving gifts’  

There is something special about giving gifts. Most of us probably share similar behaviour when we give gifts. Part of us is excited and happy because we are doing something special for someone. Most often, (unlike cases mentioned in A’s post ) we think about the person, their needs, the occassion, make an effort to find the perfect gift……so a part of us is also quite pleased with ourselves. We await eagerly for the other person to react to it and hope that they like the thought, the effort and the actual gift.

What happens then when someone gives your gift a very lukewarm response? You feel disappointed. Do you ever wish, though, that the other person had atleast pretended a little harder to like it? Do you ever wish that even if they never used your gift and it lay in the dark corners of their cupboard for eternity …….you were okay not really knowing about that?

I presume you do.

Over the years, I have received gifts that I havent truly liked but other than on this post, I dont think I have ever admitted that to anyone. I get so excited that someone thought of me, at times overwhelmed or just happy to receive a gift (what can I say, Im easy!) that I could never disappoint someone by admitting I didnt like it. Now you wonder what is it that I do with these gifts? Do I push them into the dark corners of my cupboard for eternity? Uhm, yes……and yet they do see the light of the day now and then….like when the ‘gifter’ is around. Have you ever seen the joy on someone’s face when they realise you are using what they gifted you? Its a look mixed with emotions from relief to excitement to pleasure. Compared to that look, what is an hour of discomfort for me while wearing some earrings or a top that are so not my style?

Some consider this a cheap move. Some tell me I should start speaking my mind and admit aloud when I dont like a gift. I, however, am unable to do it. Even after years of knowing me if someone still picks up something I wouldnt like, I doubt my saying it aloud would change things. Thats my excuse. That and I think its terribly rude to say anything but ‘thank you’ when someone gifts you something. Its probably my convent upbringing. (its amazing how I can always make everything seem like the nuns’ fault!)

Thats my stand on the art of receiving gifts, unless its something that will cause permanent damage (like thongs!)

It started as a joke. 10 weeks of bachelorhood left. oooooooh!
He wondered whether he should be worried, whether there were going to be ‘limits’ set. And now I wonder “are there???”

Once you settle in to your late 20s (how I avoid talking about my real age!) you are pretty much setting your rules and living by them. It would be safe to assume so does your partner. If you wouldnt be like to be dictated to on what is allowed and what isnt, again safe to assume same goes for your partner. And yet I know of people doing exactly that.

I know of a couple that isnt allowed boys’ or girls’ night outs. I think it started with her being uncomfortable with his boys’ night outs and took it off the list. In return, he took her nights out with the girls off the list. Now, she willingly suffers through football game nights with his friends and he sits through dinners with her girlfriends. He secretly waits for her to tire of the game nights.

There is this friend who isnt allowed to get drunk without his presence. He, apparently, doesnt like it. Not that I recommend being drunk at every party but to fuss about not drinking at all at each party because someone else thinks you shouldnt doesnt make sense to me. If she turned around and told me she had reasons for her own for not drinking, I would understand. Similarly, if the boy in the earlier case had his own reason for not going out alone with the boys (like I cant spend an hour away from her, I love her!!) I would get it.

Its like this friend who isnt allowed to hang out with certain of his female friends. He hasnt given her any reason to doubt him. She realises too that it isnt a rational move but it hasnt stopped her from putting a cross against it. So he loses out on some good friends and she still struggles to explain the ban.

In every relationship, you adjust a little, compromise a little, give a little…….you do it FOR someone. When you start doing things BECAUSE of someone I worry that you may, one day, grudge that. Yes, it a partnership but at the end of the day, you are still an individual. How then can you impose your beliefs on to an other individual?

Of course all these thoughts may be a little premature……maybe I should mark this post, come back to a year from now and check whether they have changed You never know what a year of living with someone and being married can do.

I highlighted the word friends to ensure that my sarcastic tone got conveyed. (we need a font that conveys that effectively in case anybody’s listening) Back to the point though……bitching about people I know.

I like to believe that I am a pretty straight forward kind of person. It is rather difficult for me, then, to understand certain behaviour I see around me.

Case 1: A girl I went to college with

The only reason we spoke to each other was because we had a common friend who we were fond of  (or let me just speak for myself, I was fond of) Neither of us even pretended during those college years that we hung out with each other for any other reason. She knew I could barely tolerate her and I knew she didnt think much of me. We werent hostile to each other either. We were just there. Same place, same time, same crowd. Its been years since we graduated and we lost touch and it didnt effect our lives.

Now when you turn around and invite yourself to my wedding and tell me how you look forward to having a reunion with everyone including my sweet mother and are soooooooooooooooo happy for me and excited that I will get to experience the joys of marriage as you have been for years……uhmmm forgive me for being dense but all I can respond with is a “huh?” Did I miss the last few years where you were a part of my life in any way? Or lets go back all the way to college and ask if you cared that I existed or not. Now dont get me wrong. I am not grumpy about the fact that you didnt care then, thats the way it was with us. Some people are just never meant to care for each other. I dont get why suddenly you do. So yes I am still good friends with some people we both knew then and yes they will be there for my wedding but how does one react to you inviting yourself?

Honestly, I still dont have a response. Any ideas?

Case 2: A girl I knew in school; shared office space with later

So yes Ill admit we have known each other for years but I wonder if shared history automatically makes us ‘bff’ (that is what they are calling it these days, right?) I am sure you are a great person but we both know that though we hung out at work and work parties we never really hit it off…….unless of course I hit my head yesterday and am now suffering from amnesia. After the stunts and the games you pulled at work, I was pretty clear on distancing myself from you. And in case you hit your head yesterday and suffer from amnesia today, let me remind you of the absolutely childish things (I admit I am not proud of these, seriously the teenager in you never dies!) I did to ensure you got the message…… block you on my gtalk, take you off my facebook, etc. Then on my birthday when you text me using my nickname or ask friends in common about my “courtship” and call me to tell you “all that is happening” in a tone that suggests that we are indeed ‘bff’, I feel stumped.

And again, have no response.

Maybe its pms. Maybe I am being bitchy. Maybe I am just being silly. Maybe I am growing old.

“”Here’s a question, Pru. If you could use these pictures to tell a story, what would it be?”

It’s a hard question. I guess the story would be me, but I can tell she wants more, wants to know what the story would be that I’d tell about myself. And what is that story? I don’t know it yet. So I tell her, “It’s about the changes in me. You’ve been taking pictures of me since I was three. And now I’m ten. And someday I’ll be a teenager and then a grown-up with babies. That’s the story. Like the first pictures of me are almost when I’m still a baby, when I haven’t done anything exciting yet, or brave, when I don’t even know you that well, when I don’t even have a favorite kind of food. And then later, now, you can see those ways I’m more myself, more grown. And the cool thing is you’ll take just as many pictures this year and next year, and every time, the pictures will be one more piece of the puzzle.”

- The Effects of Light by Miranda Beverly-Whittemore

I picked up this book at The Strand Book Fair. Dont you love that feeling when a random book you picked up at some random place turns out to be a really good find?

I have been asked before how I pick up and buy the books I do. Difficult to explain but its just a vibe you get from the book you hold in your hand. You glance through its text, read the synopsis if any is offered and take a call. There have been times (rarely though) that I have been disappointed by my buys. This book was definitely not a disappointment.

I loved the way it put certain ideas and theories about art, society and culture to its readers. Most often I find it difficult to follow theories on art and culture….they just seem too pretentious to me. Of course, there is a very strong storyline to it but it has these theories and ideas that would make me read it again.

I know you are being supportive and kind. I dont need to be told about the patience you exert when dealing with me. I realise that you mean to be reassuring and yet…..

all it seems to do is emphasise the difference between us.

and I am left again back at square one.

“Don’t you wonder when it happens?” Shelley is still thoughtful, looking at the box. “When do all those precious things become……just a pile of junk?”

It happens when we are not looking, I think. At the same time those crows’ feet appear, which we tell ourselves will disappear when we get a good night’s sleep. When our dress size creeps up from a ten to a twelve and then a fourteen…….when we are not looking.

“It happens when we cease to care,” I tell her.

-Pandora’s Box by Giselle Green.

No matter how hard you resist, no matter how strong your defenses are…….you feel the protective wall around you crumble. Its happens to the best of us at some point or the other in our relationships. You try hard to maintain your individual lives and strictly enforce maintainence of boundaries but the part where two individual lives meet – the fundamental areas of our lives – they always come undone.

You realise you cant hold it all together. You give in; you give up. For some its an inch-by-inch struggle. Each step is as tentative as the first was. There are others (who it seems have waited for this their entire lives)  welcoming the invasion into their lives with a smile.

No matter which category you fall into, you uncover and unwrap yourself for the other person.

Thats the thing about love.

In my entire life to this day, I have never met a woman who said the word “fine” and really meant it. Fine with a full-stop or a fine with an exclamation or a fine as an answer or a fine as a question………the implied meaning of the use of the word ‘fine’ has, is and will always be ‘not fine‘. Its as simple as that.

I recall this friend who had a great dislike for the word ‘fine’. He would never let me end a conversation with it. Use of the word ‘fine’ pretty much was like a call for war. It was the forbidden word. Yelling, screaming, cursing, arguing was all preferred over the use of this word.

Just makes me wonder how more people have not yet caught up to this simple phenomenon.