life, lime and lemons

if life gives you lemons, make lemonade, find someone whose life gives you vodka, and have a party

Whats your ‘limit’? October 14, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — limenlemons @ 2:35 pm

It started as a joke. 10 weeks of bachelorhood left. oooooooh!
He wondered whether he should be worried, whether there were going to be ‘limits’ set. And now I wonder “are there???”

Once you settle in to your late 20s (how I avoid talking about my real age!) you are pretty much setting your rules and living by them. It would be safe to assume so does your partner. If you wouldnt be like to be dictated to on what is allowed and what isnt, again safe to assume same goes for your partner. And yet I know of people doing exactly that.

I know of a couple that isnt allowed boys’ or girls’ night outs. I think it started with her being uncomfortable with his boys’ night outs and took it off the list. In return, he took her nights out with the girls off the list. Now, she willingly suffers through football game nights with his friends and he sits through dinners with her girlfriends. He secretly waits for her to tire of the game nights.

There is this friend who isnt allowed to get drunk without his presence. He, apparently, doesnt like it. Not that I recommend being drunk at every party but to fuss about not drinking at all at each party because someone else thinks you shouldnt doesnt make sense to me. If she turned around and told me she had reasons for her own for not drinking, I would understand. Similarly, if the boy in the earlier case had his own reason for not going out alone with the boys (like I cant spend an hour away from her, I love her!!) I would get it.

Its like this friend who isnt allowed to hang out with certain of his female friends. He hasnt given her any reason to doubt him. She realises too that it isnt a rational move but it hasnt stopped her from putting a cross against it. So he loses out on some good friends and she still struggles to explain the ban.

In every relationship, you adjust a little, compromise a little, give a little…….you do it FOR someone. When you start doing things BECAUSE of someone I worry that you may, one day, grudge that. Yes, it a partnership but at the end of the day, you are still an individual. How then can you impose your beliefs on to an other individual?

Of course all these thoughts may be a little premature……maybe I should mark this post, come back to a year from now and check whether they have changed 🙂 You never know what a year of living with someone and being married can do.


7 Responses to “Whats your ‘limit’?”

  1. scribble Says:

    its natural to have these kind of thoughts right before you take the leap 🙂 dont worry, nothing will change in a years time or 10 years time also, infact till the time u want them to change
    the examples u cited scare me., i would be absolutely suffocated if it were to apply in my case. H and I dont set any limits for each other, both have our likes/dislikes.. sometimes we are good, something we get to each otehrs nerves.. but thats alright right:)

  2. K Says:

    I think not to change has to be a conscious effort with a lot of work put it. Change will occur, it’s about whether you dont mind adapting that becomes the question. I think definitely mark this post – I would like to read what you think a year later.

  3. Adi Says:

    Lol agree with K,
    Its great to be theorizing our reactions to hypothetical scenarios and all that but lets see what happens in the next one year. For all you know you might beat all the examples hollow 😉

    • limenlemons Says:

      hey i m the first one to admit that u never know what happens when ur in it….its easier to sit back and talk about it 🙂 come to think it we should also mark what your thoughts were on this issue and review them a year from whenever 😛

  4. anjuli Says:

    The key was when you mentioned “…you do it FOR someone..” as opposed to “…BECAUSE of someone…” This is the cornerstone.

    There doesn’t need to be “I forbid you to do…this ..that..or that other…” As you spend time with each other and find out each others’ likes and dislikes…you’ll find yourself WANTING to please them- and thus change occurs. It is not a suffocating change- it is actually a beautiful change- as you evolve from ‘two’ people into ‘one.’ 🙂

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