There was a line in the movie that hit me more than everything else. The story is interesting, I just wish the pace hadnt been as slow as it was. I think it would have had a much greater impact if it had been more crisper. Benjamin uttered the words that are still playing in my head. (disclaimer: not the exact dialogue but close)
“……….I feel like I have forgotten a lot of things…….. like I forgot a life i had…….things I did in the past……”
That summarises my fear for old age.
Every night I attend to a family member who suffers from no horrible disease but old age. Her dependance on others is frightening. If we didnt hold her, she would be hurt very easily. If we dont change her, she would be uncomfortable all night. If we dont feed her, she would be hungry all day. Its been a while now since she could have helped herself. There are moments when its just the two of us in the bathroom and as I wait for her to be done, sometimes impatient at how long I have been waiting…..our eyes meet. I know she hates it. My fear is that helplessness.
She doesnt remember names. She doesnt recognise anyone. I wonder if she remembers the life she led, the kids she had, the things she got a chance to do and the things she didnt, the joys, the struggles……… coz if she doesnt, I wonder what the point of it all was. If we all go back to our diapers, why did our mothers put so much effort in to toilet training? (sentence not to be taken literally!) My greatest fear is that all the highs and lows I experience now, all the dreams and visions I have now, all my thoughts may not even be my companion towards the end.
I know what I am really glad for though. Thank the lord that these intense movies have such good looking men as lead actors!! (Ref: Revolutionary Road/Leo Dicaprio) Their good looks help take the edge off it a bit!