life, lime and lemons

if life gives you lemons, make lemonade, find someone whose life gives you vodka, and have a party

Asylum June 29, 2011

Filed under: Human Behaviour — limenlemons @ 3:38 pm
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The pic is of the place I run to most often.
Nothing fancy.
A book and a nimbu-pani or a doughnut.

Sometimes, its about being by yourself.
At times, its about getting away from others.
Sometimes, it just about being home-sick.

It started on a certain afternoon on my way back from work. I didnt feel like going back home just yet. The move to the new city had robbed me of familiar places and people. As I got nearer and nearer to home, I thought hard about what I could do, where I could go, who I could call. Somewhere in my memory was this place I had fleetingly visited. Do you have places like this you run to?

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Whats in a name? April 28, 2010

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Adopting your husband’s name is the norm in India. There is no thinking twice about this issue. You get married and henceforth you take your husband’s last name as your own. In certain communities, they even change the new bride’s first name (but thats a story for a whole separate post ‘coz of course i have such strong views on it!) Other than the whole traditional belief behind this, its known to make life simpler for all – from dealing with banks to government etc. I can imagine raised eyebrows in some birthday party where your kid shares her parents’ names and both have different last names! Oh and the pain you may have to deal with while travelling abroad! Anyway.

I did the needful too…..for the sake of all the official formalities in this country. But I realise my resume still reads my maiden name. So does my facebook page. So does the management profile page at the firm I work. So does all my correspondence, even my new ( 🙂 !!!!) business cards. I still think of myself as XYZ ‘Maiden name’. That has always been my identity and I just cant imagine changing and effectively losing it.

Just so we are clear and on the right track here……I like being married! 🙂 I am happy where I am. This isnt about the issues of married life. I am also quite proud of the boy and his family. This isnt about being ashamed to take their name either.

I have noticed some women who have had no qualms about adopting their husband’s last name. From Day 1 of their marriage, they have proudly displayed their new names. Is it that certain people have a stronger sense of self and identity as compared to others that they find this name change difficult? Does the change in name necessarily mean a change in identity? Or do you, like Shakespeare, believe that calling a rose by some other name doesnt change what it truly is?

 

Growing up sucks! February 19, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — limenlemons @ 1:46 pm
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I just bid farewell to yet another friend.

Over the past few years, we have all spread far and wide through the world. Weddings are such a mixed bag. They are fun and exciting and yet kinda sad.

Truth be told, most of us havent been in the same place at the same time for quite a few years now. Everyone has been all over but somehow that never seemed so permanent as now does. Every time someone walks away with a husband it seems like a bigger and forever change than when we moved for studies or work. We knew we could always go back home. We knew we had no other commitments to tend to other than whatever our hearts desired. Now we are all grown up with worldly responsibilities! Its an overwhelming process of letting go of each other bit by bit.

 

‘New’ lessons learnt January 29, 2010

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The ‘new’ life sure is eventful! These days each hour brings forth a new lesson. Its fun, exciting, overwhelming, exhausting, upsetting all at once.

Everyone around me is so excited and helpful. Be it teaching you the easiest routes or sharing tips on best restaurants or salons, I see every one going out of their way to pitch in. There are endless invites to lunches and coffees. There are genuine attempts to being friends. There are  constant efforts to provide me all I may need. I have obviously never experienced so much attention ever before 🙂 but isnt that a two edged sword? As much as I love it it means getting used to its side-effects.

Earlier if your mother cooked 3 different dishes for dinner, you would ignore one without thinking twice……just ‘coz you didnt feel like eating it. I do that now and am faced with (well-meaning) questions whether I dont like it, whether I dont eat it ever, whether the cook should never make it again. Chances are I probably didnt think twice and may not even have a reason for ignoring that dish.

Where once I would sit in my room all by myself for hours spacing out on music, now I realise it may worry the others whether I am bored or missing home. Where once I had the room to myself at the end of the night, I now am learning to share my space with another person. Where once you could easily seek the comfort of your best friends’ company, now either you are too busy to take the call or its not a good time for them to talk.

Where once I could bravely face any sarcastic, mean, angry comments and give back what I got, now there are times when the simplest and most innocent of comments tear me up. The Boy’s sister gave me a piece of advice; hear what others have to say from one ear and take it out from the other…..dont let anything go south (to your heart) for the first year of the marriage. Obviously I am not doing a good job of following her advice and take everything too personally.

A friend put it well recently. Everyone will have an opinion to share and they will do so gladly. Every one will tell you what you should be doing but no one shares the important bit on how to do it. I have realised that weddings and marriages brings out the pop-psych in everyone 🙂 There are endless suggestions on strategies to deal with the husbands, the inlaws, the neighbours, the pets! I think what works best though is to just smile and go with the flow. Its different but I guess the key is to enjoy the difference and treat it like an adventure.

Every now and then, there is a gesture or an effort that makes you fall in love all over again…..that makes you feel like you belong……that makes the slightly harder days worth it all.

 

Moving boxes January 11, 2010

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Yup! Its time for yet another change. I am now ticking the “married” box instead of  the “single” box on forms!

Some friends made it while some were missed terribly. We sang, we danced, we drank, we ate and partied really hard. It started days before the wedding and just kept getting better through the wedding days. Some of it still continues. Like I keep telling The Boy, I cant remember the last time I hit the bed before midnight. Its been months!! Now that the euphoria and chaos of the wedding is over, our bags are packed again as we are off for a (well-deserved!) holiday.

Its been a rather roller-coaster ride so far. Sometimes, it feels like I belong and yet sometimes the creaks of the bed, the sounds from the street below, the taste of drinking water…….everything seems so foreign. Its a new city and for now, dealing with it is on hold. ‘Coz frankly, all I can think of are the un-interrupted and fun-filled days in South Africa with The Boy!

 

The Art of Being Spoilt November 17, 2009

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I think I am finally getting a hang of it….being pampered and spoilt 🙂 This whole getting married thing does have its upside!

I can count the number of times I have gotten a pedicure/manicure on one hand. The idea of me relaxing while some girl at the parlour did all the hard work didnt sit well with me. Blame all the waxing and other painful procedures where you contribute (your pain) to the process of looking good. Also, call me strange (not to my face though) but I have never learnt how to relax with someone else touching my body. It might also explain why I am not too fond of hugs either. But I have now subjected myself to a couple of body massages and am starting to enjoy it!

Apparently, these massages are rather mandatory for an Indian bride. My ‘masseuse’ and certain cousins inform me that I am too late, that this process should have started a long time back. All this was accompanied with a bit of eye rolling that made me wonder whether I had no hope left to look good for my own wedding. It took me a while but I must admit I relaxed and totally enjoyed it. I had to bite back my sighs and moans of pure bliss and contentment lest I scared the masseuse away. So….I get to have this every week for the next month. What joy!

I have also noticed that for some reason, no one in my house seems to want to wake me up in the morning. On a couple of occasions in the past month, I have found myself sleeping till noon (during the weekday!!!) The mother, who since I quit my job hated if I woke up after 9 am, is suddenly not hovering around my bed.

And did I mention that a casual remark about how I’d love to eat a certain dish results in its appearance at the next meal? Like I said, I am soooo getting used to this! Maybe I could fill up the 5 month gap on my CV with ‘worked on honing the art of being spoilt!’

 

Open Up, Open Up…. August 28, 2009

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No matter how hard you resist, no matter how strong your defenses are…….you feel the protective wall around you crumble. Its happens to the best of us at some point or the other in our relationships. You try hard to maintain your individual lives and strictly enforce maintainence of boundaries but the part where two individual lives meet – the fundamental areas of our lives – they always come undone.

You realise you cant hold it all together. You give in; you give up. For some its an inch-by-inch struggle. Each step is as tentative as the first was. There are others (who it seems have waited for this their entire lives)  welcoming the invasion into their lives with a smile.

No matter which category you fall into, you uncover and unwrap yourself for the other person.

Thats the thing about love.