life, lime and lemons

if life gives you lemons, make lemonade, find someone whose life gives you vodka, and have a party

Hey, hey, hey….whats going on….Part 2 December 24, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — limenlemons @ 6:44 am
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She stared at the mug of coffee on the counter. She had been standing in the pantry for the past 30 minutes, most of which she couldnt recall. And now she couldnt even remember whether she added sugar to her coffee or not! Frustrated with herself, she put the spoon down on the counter. It was too close to the edge and it dropped to the ground. She rolled her eyes. Work is going to drive her crazy. They were making her mad. Maybe that is their plan!!! As she bent over to pick up the spoon, a shadow fell on her. Free coffee for the correct guess on who that is likely to be! She turned around and couldnt resist smiling. Well then, free coffee it is!

He smiled at her and bend down to pick up the spoon for her. For the past couple of weeks, they had been dancing on the edge, making small talk. She enjoyed their harmless chit-chats but for some reason was unable to take it forward. She knew her hesitancy hadnt been unnoticed by him so she was surprised when he asked her out then. More out of surprise than anything else, she agreed. Dinner it was. And it was fun! She thought later that night. Maybe……its not so bad. he’s not so bad…..

The one dinner, turned to two and three before the idea of a weekend trip came up. Her old but not completely forgotten issues of trust and relationships haunted her. Did she dare this time? Coz it felt different. Its so comfortable with him and fun. Maybe its time to let go…..

Let go she did and they made the most of their weekend trip. Still glowing and under the spell of the holiday bliss, she walked in to an important meeting a week later. She walked out of that meeting completely shattered. She couldnt believe he had turned against her work in the meeting. He had taken her ideas and used it against her. He had taken her confidences in him and attacked her. She had never imagined that he had could be so mean and low!

How could she blame anyone else though? She had walked into it with her eyes open. She had opened up to him on her own will. She had trusted him under no compulsion. She had believed that this was something they both wanted. It didnt matter what his reasons were for starting this in the first place. The problem was that she trusted and she believed. Things that earlier had no meaning in her life.
She took a deep breath. She knew she couldnt hide in her house forever. The sick leave had to end soon. If/when she saw him ever again, she was going to be back in that safe place – the one that wasnt open to anyone. Yes, thats the best way!

 

Hey, hey, hey….whats going on….Part 1 December 9, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — limenlemons @ 5:09 am
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She stretched her legs, arched her back against her chair and rolled her neck. When her eyes hit the cubicle on her right, she saw him staring at her. A raised eyebrow, she mouthed a “what?” to him.

She paid the cafeteria man. Picking up her lunch tray from the counter, she turned around. She saw him looking at her. He sat at a table towards the door. A hesitant smile.

She ran in from the rain, hoped she hadnt ruined her new kurta. As she skidded to a stop near the elevator, she saw him staring at her. He stood in a corner, away from the crowd. A soft ‘good morning’.

Rushing out of the Meeting Room, she headed straight to the cubicle she shared with her 3 team-mates. She was angry, upset and sad. She sat at her table, composing herself and succeeded. Her team-mates didnt realise anything. 10 minutes later, a mail popped up from him. “You okay? Look upset.”

Naturally, she wondered what was going on. From just raising her eyebrow and forgetting all about him, she now gave him some thought. Should the “issue” be addressed or with time, would the winds change direction all on their own? Clearing the air has its own benefits. On the other hand, ignorance brings with itself a certain kind of bliss. She chewed on her pencil and asked herself for the 33rd time that month, “whats going on?”

 

It comes in different forms. October 29, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — limenlemons @ 6:15 pm
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She cursed the weather. She cursed the trains. She cursed her job and mainly her boss. She cursed the sun that rose and brought with it this awful day. She cursed some more while she waited at the platform for her train. She looked at her watch and changed her curses into prayers. It was a 25-minute train ride and the shop closed in 20 minutes. She might make it in time, she thought to herself.

In the train, she settled down in the corner and thought back to the day. It had been the worst day ever since she started working there. The project had been important to each one of the team members from the day of its inception. They had worked their asses off the past month. Her boss had made changes yesterday and those changes had brought along everyone’s downfall. They had spent the entire day in recovery mode. Tempers had been high. Motivation had been low. Much yelling and quarelling had followed too. The blame game was on. She had been under tremendous pressure since she went on leave the next day. Her anxiety levels had been sky-high through the day. She had an early morning train to catch tomorrow. She hadnt packed. And then there was this stop to the shop still pending.

The train halted suddenly and so did her thoughts. She looked out of the window. The rain lashed against the window making it impossible for her to see anything. She assumed it was the rain that was causing this sudden halt. She resisted glancing at her watch again. Instead, she made a mental list of things she had to do. She was going home after 6 months. It was especially a big deal since it was the festival time. Her mother had asked for one and only one thing. The sweets to be picked up. She had ordered them for the entire family – the entire extended family – all 20-odd of them. She had placed the order, asked for the special packing and all her daughter had to do was pick them up one day prior to her departure. As luck would have it, her daughter was stuck on a train while the shop neared its closing time.

As soon as the train reached the station, she flew out of it and ran outside. The shop was a 2 minute walk from the station and she covered the distance in under a minute. As the rain drenched her, she stood in front of the closed shutters of the shop. Her eyes tingled. She wasnt sure if she was crying, the rain probably mixing with her tears. Could the day get any worse, she wondered. She stood there for a couple of minutes. She couldnt move – it could be the exhaustion or the hopelessness of the situation, she wasnt sure. She had no idea how she would face her mother.

As she entered her flat, she thanked whoever had ordered the pizzas at work. At least she was fed. One less thing to do. She showered, changed and threw her clothes in her bag in record time. She had lost her enthusiasm for her trip back home. She was going to be empty-handed; where was the joy in that! As she fell on her bed, she sent a quick “gnite” sms to him. One less thing to do was talk to him. She had already spoken to him a couple of times during the day. He had called during the day – either to motivate her or calm her down. She had bitched to him about her boss, about her pending visit to the shop, about her early morning train.

Her phone rudely woke her up. She had been in deep sleep. She looked at the caller id and grumbled. As soon as she took the call, she cursed at him – didnt he know she had an awful day, she had an early train and she needed her sleep. “Yes, I know. I also know your flatmate wont appreciate me waking her up with the doorbell. So I called. Open the door. I am waiting outside.” She yanked the door open and asked him what he was thinking showing up like that. He threw his overnight bag inside the door. “You said early morning train so I thought it would be easier for me to drop you if I stayed the night here. And yes you didnt ask and you are capable of looking after yourself. But its at 4 am and I want to.” He turned his back at her and was lifting a parcel off the floor while her heart melted a little. He shoved a parcel inside the door and bent to pick another. She peered at the parcel and realised with a shock that it was from the shop. How?What? When? Huh? “Well, I figured with the rain and all, you might not make it so I picked up the parcels. You missed checking your sms’es again, didnt you?”

As she locked up, it sank in. It wasnt all about the fervour and the giddiness and the hyper-emotions. Sometimes, it happened with the smaller things. As she drifted into sleep while he read his latest crime fic, she realised that he had no idea what he had done and what it had meant. With a smile, she dreamt about her trip back home.

(To explain the absence/silence that is going to follow, the writer is going to be away from the cyber world for a while)

 

Easy Silence August 13, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — limenlemons @ 11:03 am
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The credits of the movie rolled to an end.

The glass jug with the strange cocktail concoction reached its bottom.

The conversation drew to a still.

The wind blew into the room through the slight opening in the windows.

The candle had reached its end and fluttered weakly towards its inevitable demise.

The head on his shoulder didn’t move.

Time stretched on.

He didn’t need to turn around to look at her to know that she was staring at the candle’s losing battle. He didn’t need to switch the channel to any other movie or show. He didn’t need to change his position. His right shoulder was past the stage of being asleep; it was now numb – he didn’t feel its existence at all.

Yet he was comfortable.

There was no need to fill up the space with needless talk. The strange pressure he had otherwise felt in such silences had disappeared. It had been 10 minutes now since any word had been spoken or movement had occurred. There was loads to talk about – opinions to share about the movie, new ideas that had been sparked in his head during the movie, share old memories the movie had surfaced – but for some unknown reason, he didn’t want to disturb the moment then.
She turned towards him then.
When she smiled at him, he realised some of the reasons
 

Reality Bites July 29, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — limenlemons @ 4:49 am
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She slapped on her sun-glasses. Was there normally so much light?!? She cringed at the sunlight. The pain was so intense ……she was pretty sure even her eyelashes hurt. She slid down the chair and closed her eyes. The attempt to block out the morning failed. The birds chirped. There was the distant yet unmistakable noise of traffic. Faint human voices from below the balcony were constant.

With a deep breath, she opened her eyes. She picked up the mug of coffee and hope its refreshing smell would work the magic she desperately needed. The first sip, though, did more harm. It was terribly sweet. She felt her tongue revolt against the taste. She grimaced. If a simple coffee couldnt be done right, was she a fool to expect the rest? How long could she fight the truth from creeping up on her? Why is it that truth found these vulnerable moments to make an appearance?

She heard the footsteps approaching. She grimaced once more. The time had come. To face up to reality. To admit the truth.

The darkness of the night had painted her a cosy picture. The morning light had shown the cracks in that picture.

 

On either side of the door July 21, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — limenlemons @ 9:24 am
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He walked out of the room. Left her standing in the middle of a conversation.

Left her wondering if it was anger or his disgust with her that forced him to leave. She wondered if she should call out to him. What was the point, anyway? She knew this was the end. She had to leave. They had to stop being “they” anymore. She returned to her packing. Her things were thrown all across the room. The bed. The dressing table. The chair. The desk. Maybe this was what pissed him off. He didnt like a mess anywhere. He must be glad that she wouldnt be around to mess up his life anymore. As she surveyed the mess around the room, it hit her. A wierd kind of pain. A pain, physical yet not really physical. Doubled over with pain, she couldnt believe something that had been so good, could hurt so much. She remembered the Sooz’s words from a night of intoxication. “……life is so good rite now, i’m shit scared the universe is goin to present a magnificiently scary bill…….” She now understood what the Sooz was saying then. She pulled herself together……no! she wouldnt let him see her this way. She may have broken her heart but she was not walking out with a broken ego.

The doorbell rang then. The taxi had arrived.

He walked out of the room. He bumped his head on the new shelves she had put in the doorway for his books. He didnt care at that point of time. He knew it was important for him to put in some distance between them. His eyes had welled up with tears at the sight of her packing. He couldnt remember the last time he had actually cried. Probably not since he turned a teen. His chest hurt. He wondered if it was possible to get a heart attack because you were sad. No….this was beyond sad. This was much stronger than him. He wasnt sure if he would be able to fight it…… if he would ever be able to get over it…… to stand up to it. He did realise there was no option. Seeing her pack, he realised that she had made up her mind. They had both decided it would be brief. He had assumed she had the felt the change …… the shift that had occured during the recent past. Drawing in ragged abrupt deep breaths, he willed his heart and mind into control. She would not see him like this. He promised himself. He wont let her know what a sap he was. He had an ego to protect after all.

The dooorbell rang then. The taxi had arrived.

 

His Dancing Queen June 12, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — limenlemons @ 6:58 am
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He watched her from the dark corner. Other than the slight rise and fall of his chest, he was perfectly still. It seemed that his entire being was focussed on her. At the far end of the hall, she moved effortlessly through the air, through the music. His eyes followed her across the stage.

I doubt he felt my eyes on him. Even though I sat 13 rows away from where he stood, the intensity of his gaze was giving me the goosies. Did she not feel it? He definitely did not feel anything but her.

Her routine wasnt easy. She jumped high, was twirled around a dozen times, slid across the dance-floor umpteen number of times. Every second movement had her peers in the front row bursting into a cheer. This was just a rehersal, with a dozen people in the hall. I wondered what kind of buzz she would create when she stepped out for her final performance. She seemed so unaware of it though. She still seemed so unaware of him……….

He too stood there, not reacting to either her high jumps or her twirls – expressionless…….

As her routine ended, she hugged her partner and waved to the front row. Walking away from the stage, she stared into the darkness…..then came a slight tilt of her head and a slight smile. As the realisation struck me, I turned to look at him but he was gone. The corner was empty.

Picking up my umbrella, I walked out of the hall. The things that this city’s rain exposes you to. To escape it, I had run in…..to the hall, to an amazing performance, to an intense emotion, to complete devotion.

*to be continued…..
**maybe…….