life, lime and lemons

if life gives you lemons, make lemonade, find someone whose life gives you vodka, and have a party

Asylum June 29, 2011

Filed under: Human Behaviour — limenlemons @ 3:38 pm
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The pic is of the place I run to most often.
Nothing fancy.
A book and a nimbu-pani or a doughnut.

Sometimes, its about being by yourself.
At times, its about getting away from others.
Sometimes, it just about being home-sick.

It started on a certain afternoon on my way back from work. I didnt feel like going back home just yet. The move to the new city had robbed me of familiar places and people. As I got nearer and nearer to home, I thought hard about what I could do, where I could go, who I could call. Somewhere in my memory was this place I had fleetingly visited. Do you have places like this you run to?

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Silence isnt too golden! June 3, 2011

Filed under: Communication — limenlemons @ 3:46 pm
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This whole silence business is killing me! *grrr*

Women are funny creatures, aren’t we? Someone says something to us we do tend to take it personally and literally and make appropriate vows to ourselves (no matter how hard or strange or unreasonable these vows may be!)

So I vowed recently that I am just not going to say anything to anyone. I think the spoon should be on the right but you have put it on the left…..then the left it shall remain. Shhhh! I feel helpless and restless and homesick but talking about that isn’t really going to change anything so…. Shhhhh! I am adopting the whole dont-think-it-dont-talk-about-it approach hoping it will lead to no-problem-at-all. Unfortunately, it’s not quite working that way. *sigh*

It’s hard to not care. It’s hard to not share. All the unspoken”ness”is a difficult burden to bear. (oooh look I can rhyme!)

Id love to throw an old-school classic full-blown indulge-me tantrum right about now…. I just fear for The Boy’s sanity.

 

The 80/20 rule May 30, 2011

Filed under: Marriage — limenlemons @ 2:59 pm
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This rule states that most men get 80% of what they need from a marriage yet they tend to go after the 20% that someone outside can provide for them because it appears to be more to them when it really isn’t  (Source: Wikipedia)

The movie, Why did I get married, introduced this 80/20 rule. I recently came across it through a read on marriages. It brought forth a few thoughts to me, though I am sure each one has their own interpretation of it. The most obvious topic ‘cheating’ I will leave for another post altogether.

Lets widen the scope of it for today and apply it to more matters than one – the physical, mental, sexual and emotional.

Dont we tend to look at the 20 we are not getting from our partners rather than the 80 they are selflessly giving us? It’s hard to keep our eye on the 80 our relationship offers us and so much easier to come up with the 20 where it lacks. I admit I have been guilty of this on a number of occasions. Is it an inflated sense of self-worth or what you feel you deserve that makes us react this way? Are we just being human by wanting more? Food for thought……

 

 

 

Communication – An art? May 23, 2011

Filed under: Communication — limenlemons @ 2:37 pm
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At work, I spend a lot of time on communication, assertiveness, etc. All this very specific to women. Everywhere I looked, books or the internet, everyone talked about communication as an art….and one that women more than men are lacking.

Over time, though, I have realised that the real art is being able to swallow your tongue! Shut up! Bite it! Hold back! And so on…

I think we may be overemphasizing this whole communication thing. Is it really necessary in any aspect of our life to convey each and every thought to each other? When we do, how many times does that conversation really go the way we want it to?

In not-so-easy situations, we psyche ourselves to communicate what we think/feel. It has been weighing on our minds forever. It bugged us and hence we must ensure that the person responsible knows about it. So we spend our energy and time and – in figuring out how to communicate this effectively. When this does happen, you feel a little deflated….. it just didnt go as you thought it would. Maybe the other person had some logical answers for you or maybe they just didnt get the point! Maybe then….it would have been better for everyone if you had just not said anything.

We still dont learn our lesson, do we? We are out there….wanting to say whats on our mind all over again.

 

Liar, Lair, Pants on Fire… June 9, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — limenlemons @ 3:12 pm
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Dont you sometimes wish that the rhyme was in fact a reality? It would make life easy. No more guessing, no more wondering, no more assuming.

They lie, they catch fire, you have your answer! To make it more interesting, maybe the fire can be in direct proportion to the lie. Big fat lie deserves a scorchingly hot big fire. Teeny white lies could be signalled with just a puff of smoke.

Because……what do you do when you are sure you being lied to but no matter what angle you question the other person from, they are sticking to it! Hrmph! The bigness or whiteness of the lie doesnt matter in some cases. It becomes a matter of principle. Hrmph hrmph! All you need is the truth to be admitted and you can move on. The fact that the lie is proving to have such strong sticky adhesive powers bugs you more!

 

Dear Lord, I ask for…. June 2, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — limenlemons @ 12:14 pm
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Patience!!

It has been my  morning prayer today. Along with some amount of compassion (coz love would probably be asking for too much) and sensitivity (coz you are always asked to understand others’ points of view) and all those other things that make you a better person; that allow you to rise above certain situations; that make it easier to co-exist with others. I’m praying real hard.

Its one of those days when you make a list of all the good things in your life, all the things you love and count your blessing thrice (atleast!) ……so you can face the challenges and the crap and the crazy that comes your way.

Its one of those days when your eyes tear up for no reason, when nothing seems to go right (…your way), when most of your feelings border on hate, when there is so much anger and rage in you…you are certain the steam is blowing out of your ears.

Its one of those days when you can’t think of any other way to deal with the above mentioned emotions but to indulge in the most sinful, most gooey, most delicious chocolate cake……and I would do it (gosh sooooo tempted!) but it would be such a waste of the hours I put into the gym every week (….. and not to mention the amount of anger I may feel towards myself for such a sign of weakness!) Even worse what else may work is a stiff drink……(Worse is that thought coz it’s just noon right now!!)….maybe with some loud mind-numbing music and dancing till your legs hurt so bad you cant think straight……

The trip back home is a long way away. I hope I can stick it out till then………

 

Whats your ‘limit’? October 14, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — limenlemons @ 2:35 pm
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It started as a joke. 10 weeks of bachelorhood left. oooooooh!
He wondered whether he should be worried, whether there were going to be ‘limits’ set. And now I wonder “are there???”

Once you settle in to your late 20s (how I avoid talking about my real age!) you are pretty much setting your rules and living by them. It would be safe to assume so does your partner. If you wouldnt be like to be dictated to on what is allowed and what isnt, again safe to assume same goes for your partner. And yet I know of people doing exactly that.

I know of a couple that isnt allowed boys’ or girls’ night outs. I think it started with her being uncomfortable with his boys’ night outs and took it off the list. In return, he took her nights out with the girls off the list. Now, she willingly suffers through football game nights with his friends and he sits through dinners with her girlfriends. He secretly waits for her to tire of the game nights.

There is this friend who isnt allowed to get drunk without his presence. He, apparently, doesnt like it. Not that I recommend being drunk at every party but to fuss about not drinking at all at each party because someone else thinks you shouldnt doesnt make sense to me. If she turned around and told me she had reasons for her own for not drinking, I would understand. Similarly, if the boy in the earlier case had his own reason for not going out alone with the boys (like I cant spend an hour away from her, I love her!!) I would get it.

Its like this friend who isnt allowed to hang out with certain of his female friends. He hasnt given her any reason to doubt him. She realises too that it isnt a rational move but it hasnt stopped her from putting a cross against it. So he loses out on some good friends and she still struggles to explain the ban.

In every relationship, you adjust a little, compromise a little, give a little…….you do it FOR someone. When you start doing things BECAUSE of someone I worry that you may, one day, grudge that. Yes, it a partnership but at the end of the day, you are still an individual. How then can you impose your beliefs on to an other individual?

Of course all these thoughts may be a little premature……maybe I should mark this post, come back to a year from now and check whether they have changed 🙂 You never know what a year of living with someone and being married can do.